Bits and Bytes: Panic time for the Bucs!

Send the Bucs to the UFL!!

As noted Wednesday, most of us need to do a better job of realizing the inherent peaks and valleys of a sports season and reacting accordingly instead of alternately running to avoid the falling sky and planning the route for the celebratory championship parade.

Except, well, I tried that last week and our beloved Tampa Bay Buccaneers—known worldwide as The Official NFL Team of Defiantly Dutch—blew a 10-point lead against the Washington Redskins, otherwise known as the most dysfunctional organization in sports outside of the team that plays near the parking lot that used to be Shea Stadium, and lost 16-13.

The Bucs are now 0-4 and already four games behind the Super-looking New Orleans Saints in the NFC South, so I think it’s time to pull out the heavy weaponry that worked last week on the Dutchmen.

That’s right: It’s time for Flying Dutchman alum Raheem Morris to change quarterbacks (never mind that I’m not really sure where he can go since the backup to unfinished product Josh Johnson is the even rawer Josh Freeman) and for the Buccaneers to ponder downgrading the program to the UFL, which is supposed to start next week and will surely scare the bejeezus out of the NFL by capturing the imagination of the professional football fan who just finds his Sunday a little lacking.

There. That oughta do it. The Bucs will be 12-4 before you know it. Some other bits and bytes to ponder as you scrounge enough money together to buy tickets to the Bucs’ first playoff game:

—It’s not like I’ve got anybody else to award the trophy for “Most Hilarious Opposing Football Coach,” since post-game press conference Saturday was the first one I’d attended since 1995, way back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. But James Madison’s Mickey Matthews apparently decided laughter was the best medicine following the Dukes’ 24-17 loss to the Dutchmen.

For instance, here’s Matthews on the Dutchmen going 4-for-5 on fourth down conversions: “The missed one must have been somewhere in pregame warm-ups.”

On the possibility that the officials missed a pass interference call on the Dukes’ final play from scrimmage: “I thought the last play of the game was a bad call. But I’m not going to say nothing. I would have told them they reffed better than we coached.”

On the Dukes’ sluggish play, particularly on defense, in the first half: “I think we decided to play. We [were] really enjoying the sights of Long Island. And it sure is pretty up here. Nice hotel. Nice mills. Nice looking girls. Nice people and nice stadium.”

Maybe he can pen the “About Long Island” section of next year’s media guide.

—The Dutchmen aren’t the offensive juggernaut of the Joe Gardi era, but you’ve got to figure Gardi would have loved coaching quarterback Steve Probst, who chimed in at the post-game press conference after Cohen talked about the Dutchmen’s aggressiveness on fourth down.

“Nobody likes to punt,” Probst said.

—You, too, can help the Binghamton men’s basketball team defend its America East championship! (Of course, Binghamton couldn’t even hold an open tryout without ticking off the authorities) As long as, one assumes, you pass a thorough background check.

—Loren Stokes and Antoine Agudio were among the 25 players named to the CAA’s 25th anniversary team this week, a pretty impressive feat considering the five other teams to join the CAA since the turn of the century combined to place just one player on the team (Northeastern’s Jose Juan Barea). Clearly, Tom O’Connor had nothing to do with the selection process.

—You might see the calendar, realize yesterday was the 15^th anniversary of the Dutchmen’s 62-7 thrashing of Central Connecticut State—a win that finally vaulted Hofstra into the top 25—and wonder where in the hell is the recap of that game. More than likely, this is the first you’ve thought of it. That’s OK, I forgive you.

Anyway, we went away for a few days and taking a giant Chronicle blue book on the trip seemed like a bad idea of ginormous proportions, so that recap will appear upon our return late tonight or first thing Friday. Stop back for that as well as a more in-depth look at the 28-6 win over New Hampshire, otherwise known as The Game That Changed Everything.

Email Jerry at defiantlydutch@yahoo.com or follow Defiantly Dutch at http://twitter.com/defiantlydutch.