I’m not sure if it’s the social media version of Stockholm Syndrome, as I pondered last week, or a matter of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. But somehow, in the two years and five days (but who’s counting?) since I earned Most Loathed Man In Mason Nation status with this calm, reasoned and unemotional screed, George Mason fans have run neck-and-neck with Northeastern fans as the rival fans with whom I interact most on Twitter (and since Northeastern is Hofstra North, it probably shouldn’t count here).
So I thought, with the Flying Dutchmen preparing to play The Bad Guys tonight, it would be appropriate to introduce Hofstra fans to the best of Mason Nation: The fans who are as loyal, intelligent and fundamentally decent as those of us who root for Hofstra.
Of course, I couldn’t find anyone like that, so I asked these six guys instead. Meet my friends in low places (and follow them on Twitter)!
About Matt: Graduated from Mason in 2010. Triple majored in marketing, management and finger painting.
What he does for a living, other than randomly punch people in the nuts: Is currently a Professional Services Engineer for a service assurance testing company based out of Boston. (OK fine. The dude is smart. Sun, dog’s posterior, all that)
How Matt “met” me via my superduper fair and balanced Twitter feed and/or blog: “I think I came across your account when @gmuhoops retweeted something you said about three years ago and I was like ‘Wow, this guy is a douche.’ That was when I was still sort of new to Twitter and I remember taking everything you said bad about Mason so personal. Then I realized you will never last on Twitter if you do that and just went along with your jokes and threw in my own from time to time. I will admit they still get to me from time to time, haha.”
(I’m pretty sure Matt was the first GMU fan to call me names on Twitter during and following the Running Up The Score Game. Unlike most of the others, he kept it up, as did I. Somehow we didn’t block each other. We ended up following each other on Twitter and meeting and shaking hands a mere six weeks later at the CAA Tournament. Now we’re online besties who take long walks on the sand. Wait, what?)
Why Matt is a nice guy (in his own words): “I always look for the best in people. For example, if you are a Hofstra fan, I try and look past that and find something positive about the person no matter how hard that might be.”
Why Matt is not a terrible guy (in my own words): Roots for the Pistons, Redskins and Washington Capitals, so he knows suffering. Huge baseball fan. Likes the Braves, a class organization that serves as his Mason antidote. Loves dogs. Funny as hell on Twitter.
Yeah, but…: He’s a Mason fan. Carries 17 items to the 12 items or less self-checkout lane. Also, he’s a Mason fan.
Three Questions For Matt Cerilli:
1.) Prove to me you didn’t begin following basketball in March 2006 and don’t freaking use Wikipedia (thank you very much SOPA). Name two former CAA schools, other than Richmond.
Navy and East Carolina are two former CAA schools, but I admit I really only know that from seeing their banners in the Richmond Coliseum during the NCAA Tournament.
(I told you he was smart. He can read!)
2.) Solve this math problem: If Tony Skinn’s fist is traveling at 30 miles per hour towards Loren Stokes’ groin, how long would it take Andre Cornelius to max out Stokes’ credit cards and book a flight to see Jim Larranaga in Miami?
Haha that is probably the funniest math question I have ever been asked. You have to admit, though, Stokes was in the way of Skinn’s fist so it’s partially his fault. (That should get you heated)
(GODDAMNIT)
3.) Finish this sentence: “I knew Jerry Beach wasn’t a complete psychopath when…”
…we finally met up in Richmond during the CAA Tournament and he was just as funny in person as he is on Twitter.
About Erik: Graduated from Mason in 1998. Double majored in business management and finger painting. Also received an MBA from William & Mary.
What he does for a living, other than randomly punch people in the nuts: Works for the Federal Reserve.
Adds Erik: “Speaking of ‘punching people in the nuts,’ my 4-year-old son did that to me a couple of weeks ago and I asked him why the heck he walked up to me and did that. His reply: ‘I want to make sure I don’t have any more brothers or sisters.’ He is small and loves basketball, so he may have a future.”
(Jim Larranaga just signed him to head his freshman class of 2025 at Miami)
How Erik “met” me via my superduper fair and balanced Twitter feed and/or blog: “We must be talking about two different things because ‘fair and balanced’ do not exist with you on your feed especially when the word ‘bias’ trends during Hofstra games. However, I first learned of you via the writings of Michael Litos on CAAHoops.com.”
Why Erik is a nice guy (in his own words): “I have two boys and I have made it a rule that I will not force them to cheer for the Mets and Bills. Not putting them through the same torture I put myself through has to count for something.”
Why Erik is not a terrible guy (in my own words): The guy is a Mets and Bills fan. He REALLY knows suffering. Also, never badmouths me on Twitter and mostly resists making Tony Skinn jokes. Except in this interview. Jerk.
Yeah, but…: He’s a Mason fan. Doesn’t signal when changing lanes. Also, he’s a Mason fan.
Three questions for Erik Hernquist:
1.) Prove to me you didn’t begin following basketball in March 2006 and don’t freaking use Wikipedia (thank you very much SOPA): Which coach “led” the U.S. Olympic team to a bronze medal in 1988, thereby necessitating the formation of the “Dream Team?”
FAIL. I didn’t start following basketball until I attended Mason in ’94. In fairness, the team had seven straight winning seasons prior to 2006, making it to the NCAA and NIT twice each during that stretch.
(That is an acceptable answer)
2.) Solve this math problem: If Tony Skinn’s fist is traveling at 30 miles per hour towards Loren Stokes’ groin, how long would it take Andre Cornelius to max out Stokes’ credit cards and book a flight to see Jim Larranaga in Miami?
About as long as it takes a Hofstra fan to say “Mason should have never even been in the tournament in 2006 because we beat them every time we played them that year.”
(Damn right)
3.) Finish this sentence: “I knew Jerry Beach wasn’t a complete psychopath when…”
…after seeing several very entertaining Tweet exchanges with @gheorghetheblog about some of the most random movie and music references I can imagine.
About Alan: Graduated from Mason in 2010 with a double major in Information Technology and finger painting. Currently pursuing an M.S. degree in software engineering and a doctorate in finger painting.
Alan adds: “‘Finger painting?’ Pfft. It’s called Phalangeal Art, and it’s a highly respected form of abstract painting which has been taught to many species such as elephants, monkeys sports journalists and art students.”
What Alan does for a living, other than randomly punch people in the nuts: A web developer for a large federal IT contractor. “It’s impossible to make a living exclusively off of punching people.”
How Alan “met” me via my superduper fair and balanced Twitter feed and/or blog: “I think my attention was first drawn to you when you got in an argument with @gmuhoops on Twitter. (You were quickly identified as a crackpot with a blind grudge) Soon after, I discovered that you were a crackpot with a blind grudge AND a blog. (That identified you as even more unstable, as you clearly wasted a lot of time spewing your irrational hate. I hoped the padded cell would find you quickly) My opinions have since mellowed, if only slightly. (I will probably miss you when the padded cell finds you)
Why Alan is a nice guy (in his own words): “I agreed to participate in this exercise, didn’t I? OK you probably wanted more than that. 1.) I’ve never punched anyone from Long Island in the groin. 2.) I do not own a cat. 3.) I hate the Boston Red Sox. 4.) I recognize ‘southern bias’ exists in the CAA.”
Why Alan is not a terrible guy (in my own words): Huge baseball fan who roots for the Baltimore Orioles, which requires a certain amount of soul and dedication. A very funny guy to exchange Tweets with late at night. Recognizes Southern Bias exists in the CAA.
Yeah, but…: He’s a Mason fan. He doesn’t own a cat. Also, he’s a Mason fan.
Three questions for Alan Kelly:
1.) Prove to me you didn’t begin following basketball in March 2006 and don’t freaking use Wikipedia (thank you very much SOPA): Name two mid-majors to reach the Elite Eight in the decade prior to George Mason’s criminal Final Four appearance. UMass and Utah do not count.
Truth be told, I am a converted BCS heretic, so my knowledge of college basketball before the mid-2000s largely revolves around the Maryland Terrapins and the ACC. My first guess would be Memphis, but I’m not sure they should count as a mid-major and plus, the NCAA says it never happened. Gonzaga, obviously. UNLV comes to mind, but I don’t think they’ve made it back recently. Are you counting Xavier?
(Damn kid get to the point! #Irony Yes. Gonzaga and Xavier count.)
2.) Solve this math problem: If Tony Skinn’s fist is traveling at 30 miles per hour towards Loren Stokes’ groin, how long would it take Andre Cornelius to max out Stokes’ credit cards and book a flight to see Jim Larranaga in Miami?
Whichever is shorter: The number of minutes that Bryant Crowder played for Hofstra before fleeing for his life and sanity or the amount of time it would take to destroy the Richmond Coliseum if the collective hate of the fanbases of the “other 11” were ever unleashed against it in tangible form.
3.) Finish this sentence: “I knew Jerry Beach wasn’t a complete psychopath when…”
…he laughed at a joke I made about fantasy baseball and, even more shockingly, did not blame me personally for the performance of the Orioles players on his fantasy team. (Anybody who relies on Kevin Gregg as a fantasy closer has it coming to them. I mean, really?)
(IT’S A VERY DEEP AL-ONLY LEAGUE SHUT UP!)
About Dilbo: Graduated from Mason in 2004 with a double major in communications and finger painting.
What Dilbo does for a living, other than randomly punch people in the nuts: Wanted to become a sportswriter but is currently working at a low-paying media job at a financially unstable company. Wait. That’s the same thing.
How Dilbo “met” me via my superduper fair and balanced Twitter feed and/or blog: “I’m pretty sure I’d see the DD blog a few times beforehand, but it was the epic Twitter meltdown of 2010 that got my attention. Hofstra got pounded (I mean really pounded. Hard. It was great) by Mason and I believe Jerry was courtside Tweeting away as Coach L kept some starters in a little too long for his tastes.
(I was in the stands. And it was a lot too long)
“I don’t think I was even on Twitter yet, but thanks to the app that had Tweets going straight to CAAZone.com, I witnessed the full fury of Jerry’s anti-Larranaga and anti-Mason madness.”
Why Dilbo is a nice guy (in his own words): “I’m grumpy and tend to be ‘meh’ about most people I meet. But my redeeming qualities include kindness to animals, especially my two beloved cats, loyalty to my saint of a wife, letting people merge into traffic and a dislike for the Mason fans who made fun of Jerry for being unemployed. I have a low tolerance for assholes and bullies, and while Jerry may be completely unhinge when it comes to Larranaga, O’Connor and GMU, he’s…he’s…wait, what was my point here?”
Why Dilbo is not a terrible guy (in my own words): Being serious for the only time here: I was moved by Floppin’s disregard for the worst of the anti-me Tweeters. He’s also a low-paid writer grunt, likes cats and is loyal to the Redskins. How can I not like the guy?
Yeah, but…: He’s a Mason fan. Plus, he’s a Mason fan.
Three questions for Floppin’ Dilbo:
1.) Prove to me you didn’t begin following basketball in March 2006 and don’t freaking use Wikipedia (thank you very much SOPA): Four teams won the NBA Finals between 1980 and 1990. Name the only one of these teams NOT to win it all twice in this span.
The 76ers.
(Correct!)
2.) Solve this math problem: If Tony Skinn’s fist is traveling at 30 miles per hour towards Loren Stokes’ groin, how long would it take Andre Cornelius to max out Stokes’ credit cards and book a flight to see Jim Larranaga in Miami?
Sometimes I like to mess with Jerry by telling him Tony Skinn was one of my favorite Mason players of all-time. It’s true, although “the punch” was the darkest moment I’ve had as a fan. To this day I’ll never wrap my head around why Tony did that, and I know we’re damn lucky that it didn’t turn out much, much worse for us that March. Conversely, I understand Hofstra’s bitterness—to an extent.
(STOP BEING REASONABLE!!!!)
3.) Finish this sentence: “I knew Jerry Beach wasn’t a complete psychopath when…”
…he didn’t knife me at the CAA Tournament last year. My seats were about a mile from the court, so he could have done it quickly and disappeared before my screams reached the nearest fan.
(Not true, his wife was there)
I’m grateful he’s sane and didn’t do this (although I might not have minded being shanked the next day after VCU eliminated Mason from the tourney for the 76th time).
(Ha ha)
About Ryan: Graduated from Mason in 2006 with a double major in accounting and finger painting.
What Ryan does for a living, other than randomly punch people in the nuts: Runs the GMUHoops.com blog, panhandles around the Patriot Center and Brion’s Grill.
(I’m not making that up. He actually wrote the panhandling bit, along with: “Definitely get more that way instead of any job I could have got with a Mason degree.”)
How Ryan “met” me via my superduper fair and balanced Twitter feed and/or blog: “Good question. I don’t remember. Haven’t we been bickering since the dawn of time?”
(Or 2008, yes)
Why Ryan is a nice guy (in his own words): “I’m really not that good of a liar.”
Why Ryan is not a terrible guy (in my own words): He’s honest about being a bad guy with no soul! He’s also a Jets fan, so he’s not a complete frontrunner. Plus, he began running a Mason blog in 2006 (very easy) and is still operating it today (very difficult). Major respect for anyone who keeps at blogging. I give him major props for that, even if we disagree on, well, everything.
Yeah, but…: He’s a Mason fan. He drives really slow in the ultrafast lane. Also, he’s a Mason fan.
Three questions for Ryan Kish:
1.) Prove to me you didn’t begin following basketball in March 2006 and don’t freaking use Wikipedia (thank you very much SOPA): Two players have won the CAA Player of the Year Award three times. David Robinson is one. Who is the other?
Too easy. George Evans, the ageless wonder.
(Correct! Even if this should be the Mason version of getting 400 points on the SAT for simply writing your name)
2.) Solve this math problem: If Tony Skinn’s fist is traveling at 30 miles per hour towards Loren Stokes’ groin, how long would it take Andre Cornelius to max out Stokes’ credit cards and book a flight to see Jim Larranaga in Miami?
165. Oh sorry, I thought you were asking how many CAA wins Larranaga had.
3.) Finish this sentence: “I knew Jerry Beach wasn’t a complete psychopath when…”
…when I found out he was also a Jets fan. J-E-T-S!
(Actually I’m not, but he’s on a roll)
About Shawn: Graduated from Mason in 1995 with a triple major in English, speech communications and finger painting. Received a master’s degree from Mason in education in 1999. Received a certificate in educational leadership from Mason in 2006. Currently studying for his doctorate in finger painting.
What Shawn does for a living, other than randomly kicking people in the nuts: Technical Trainer for CACI in the D.C. area, one of the many government contractors in the region.
How Shawn “met” me via my superduper fair and balanced Twitter feed and/or blog: “I first noticed your blog via the comments section of the CAAHoops blog by Litos. He seems to love you. I seemed to irritate him. I had to check out your blog to see why Litos loved you and hated me.”
(Impeccable judge of character, that Litos)
Why Shawn is a nice guy (in his own words): “I’m a happily married man of almost 14 years to another Mason graduate and a proud father of two incredible children. Plus I try to stay active in education—my former career—through extra-curricular activities at my daughter’s elementary school.”
Why Shawn is not a terrible guy (in my own words): He was the first Mason fan to ever write me, in response to this piece from February 2009, and he a.) spelled everything correctly and b.) didn’t tell me to go **** myself! Also has a good sense of humor and asked me to participate in a Q&A at his own blog last year.
Yeah, but…: He roots for Mason. He also roots for the Yankees, Cowboys and Spurs. (Except this year, when he roots for the Cardinals, the Patriots and/or Giants and the Mavericks) Also, he roots for Mason.
Three questions for Shawn Brann:
1.) Prove to me you didn’t begin following basketball in March 2006 and don’t freaking use Wikipedia (thank you very much SOPA): What, beyond Villanova’s upset win, was so unique about the 1985 national championship game?
If my memory serves me correctly, I think it was the FG% of Villanova in the game. I never liked Georgetown hoops, so I rooted hard for Nova that game.
(Acceptable. The answer I was looking for was it was the last game played before the implementation of the shot clock, which made it possible for Villanova to slow the game down enough to beat Georgetown, but anyone who remembers “The Perfect Game” knows his sports.)
2.) Solve this math problem: If Tony Skinn’s fist is traveling at 30 miles per hour towards Loren Stokes’ groin, how long would it take Andre Cornelius to max out Stokes’ credit cards and book a flight to see Jim Larranaga in Miami?
I was an English major and former English teacher…I hate math! (Except when it comes to the number of Mason wins over the Pride)
(Dude, it’s the Flying Dutchmen. And shut up.)
3.) Finish this sentence: “I knew Jerry Beach wasn’t a complete psychopath when…”
…we did an interview session with our respective blogs a year ago. Plus. He may have been right about Larranaga, who let me and many other diehard fans/grads down when he bolted for $$s in Miami.
(This Brann guy is OK!)
So it goes…it’s the Hewitt Era now. GO MASON.
(You had to go and ruin it didn’t you Brann?)
Email Jerry at defiantlydutch@yahoo.com or follow Defiantly Dutch at http://twitter.com/defiantlydutch.
1 comment:
Who said Mason fans were dumb? Check out all these double- and triple-majors!
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